What you should know about sex and headaches

Some people may have experienced sex headaches. This is pain in the head that often starts during sexual intercourse. Sometimes it lasts for a short time, say between five and ten minutes. At other times, the pain may last longer than an hour.

Those who have suffered migraine, or other types of headaches, are actually more prone to it than other people are. In addition, while men and women have been known to suffer these types of pain during sexual activity, males are actually more likely to get sex headaches.

Although very little is known about what causes sex headache, research indicates that it could be triggered by over-exertion during intercourse. Some think that men suffer these pains more than women because they do much of the thrusting and moving during lovemaking.

Essentially, what happens is that a man is afflicted with a headache that is similar to what he would have suffered if he had just completed an overly strenuous exercise.

It may sound silly, but sex is exercise and you may find it helpful to warm up a little before bringing yourself up to full speed and pace yourself during intercourse.

Actually, foreplay helps prevent sex headaches. Exercising regularly, eating right, and managing your weight, as well as avoiding unnecessary worries, fear of the unknown, and anxiety can also help.

In addition, reaching orgasm too quickly may trigger headaches. If you are sexually tense, you may experience rapid increase in your blood pressure, which will in turn cause your head to throb with pain.

So men, if quickies are your stuff, your partner’s complaints may not be the only thing you have to worry about! If you have sex headaches you might want to consider allowing for a slow build-up to orgasm.

On the other hand, some sex headaches might just be the consequence of adopting certain positions during sexual intercourse. Some copulation positions can put a strain on parts of the body or increase the flow of blood to your head.

For example, keeping your head hanging down lower than the rest of your body or putting your neck in an awkward and stiff position during sex can cause you to have head pain. Changing your positions or limiting the amount of time spent in those positions can make a vast difference in whether or not you suffer from headaches. Incorporating massage into foreplay can help relax those neck muscles that tend to get too tense during sex.

Genuine sex headache is a common problem. Therefore, those who routinely suffer from such pain should not be afraid to consult their doctors about the challenge. Hundreds of thousands of couples experience them. Therefore, there is no reason to feel embarrassed.

Not only can longer, better-paced sex reduce the risk of this type of pain, but also making love frequently may actually help you ease migraines and other types of headaches.

Sex helps reduce headaches by encouraging your body to release endorphins that have a similar effect on it as morphine. Frequent sex can also help reduce stress and tension, which often cause severe pain.

Research carried out in Germany suggests that sex is a good therapy for general headache. The good news is that the more powerful the orgasm, the greater the level of endorphins released and the fewer headaches you experience.

If you are having sex-related headaches, you can reduce the regularity by increasing the frequency, length, and orgasmic pleasure of your lovemaking. You should also do more of ‘couch talk’ than you are used to. This type of talk helps to reduce tension, create an environment for partners to unwind and helps them to relate better.

Besides, avoid alcoholic and caffeinated drinks because they release some chemicals into the body that trigger headaches in individuals. Smoking is not healthy either. Some medications have side effects that cause headache. Most un-prescribed drugs and over-the-counter medications do interfere with sexual desire and performance. Some high blood pressure medications have been found to be unhealthy for a good sex life and they increase headaches in some spouses.

Hormonal changes can cause some sort of headache in some partners, especially women

Fake headaches are the onces created by some spouses just to avoid sex as much as possible. I call this type ‘synthetic headaches.’ The effect of this is that it produces an unhealthy relationship, limits intimacy, and gives room for hostility, anger and infidelity.

QUESTION ONE

I climax faster than my wife does. In order to balance the equation, I try to stop, or pause, our intercourse when I get close to ejaculation. However, that affects her and she is unable to climax. What do we do?

Great news for couples who struggle with a fast ejaculatory response: your problem is not abnormal. The male sexual response curve from arousal to climax is usually much faster than the females. Recognize ways that your wife’s arousal can be enhanced by identifying her early-pre-foreplay factors. She needs time to shift gears from her personal worries. This involves focused conversation. Most women desperately want to spend time with a husband who is totally turned on to them and not the television, newspaper or computer. She wants eye contact and verbal response that tells her he actually heard what she said! The subject is not as important as her feelings listened to. Help with the household demands, show genuine interest in her person and not just her body, and express your love in the distinct ways she will feel it most. Then when she is more receptive, some non-genital touch can make her aroused. Spending some times in ‘pleasuring’ or ‘sensate focusing’ can help you identify the most effective triggers of her arousal. For instance, lying together with the sole agenda of mutual discovery can allow each of you to learn what body areas are most sensitive and what sort of stimulation is most pleasurable. This allows you to bring each other to higher levels of arousal, as you understand your individual preferences and timing. Another approach is to increase your response time through the squeeze technique. The technique is to simulate the penis to the point of climaxing. Just before he knows he will reach orgasm his wife, squeeze the penis at the base of the corona. She holds the pressure firmly for several seconds until his sense of urgency fades. That process is repeated several times before penetration and ejaculation. With time, this conditions his physiological reflexes to last longer. The combination of increasing your wife arousal and your response time can help close the gap and enhance your enjoyment. It is important to know, however, that simultaneous orgasm is not the rule for most couples.

QUESTION TWO

We have been married 12 years and my husband has always had retarded ejaculation. I do not want to make the problem worse by complaining about it. But it makes me feel less appealing. The doctor says the problem is psychological, and my husband seems to resent the idea of seeing a therapist. Our marriage is great, but I am frustrated by this problem.

Assuming your doctor has ruled out the physical causes of retarded ejaculation (e.g. neurovascular disorder, drugs side effects etc) and that the pattern has always been present, I would advise you to look at it in the context of your entire relationship. You said your marriage is ‘great’ and the old adage says ‘if it is not broken, do not fix it.’ If your husband is not resistant to sex, is sensitive to your needs and can lovingly bring you to orgasm, I do not think the problem has anything to do with your attractiveness. The most common psychological causes of this disorder are a compulsive personality where control and scrupulosity about cleanliness may create anxiety; a feel of impregnating one’s wife; or a deep-seated ambivalence towards women. Genital union is fun and important for a sense of sexual oneness, but intra-vaginal ejaculation is not necessarily symbolic of commitment, attraction, passion or love. A couple may find orgasm quite pleasurable without penetration. Stimulation to climax can be mutually satisfying with a variety of techniques. If you find orgasm more intense and complete during penetration, then continue that approach. In addition, follow it up by stimulating your husband to ejaculation.

QUESTION THREE

I have been having pains in my abdomen for close to eight years now. I have done necessary tests and taken medication all to no avail. Sometimes after the drugs and injection, it relieves me only to come back again. I don’t have any vaginal itches or rashes. Sometimes, my vagina smells foul and I do insert garlic inside, but no substance or discharge comes out. As a 32-year-old single parent, I find it difficult to have sex because of this pain. What is wrong with me and what is the way out?

The best thing to do is see a doctor and do a thorough laboratory investigation. Follow the prescription in detail. Then, as a single parent, it is not advisable to have casual sex here and there.

QUESTION FOUR

I want you to enlighten me concerning an issue to avoid embarrassment. I am married already, but the challenge is that I have the habit of ‘doing different styles’ when making love. But I don’t want my wife to feel embarrassed or angry with me by positioning her when we start making love. How do I go about telling her?

I think you may just be nursing unnecessary fear of embarrassment. Since the woman in question is your wife, you should not be afraid of approaching her and telling her your heart’s desire for your sex life. I would want you to discuss this issue with her. Treat her well when sex is not on the agenda and make sure you are not introducing any position that will inflict pain on her. Also, don’t neglect foreplay with her. The best thing that can happen to a marriage is good communication. Communicate your heart to her.

QUESTION FIVE

My wife is about five months pregnant and our sex life has virtually disappeared. I understand how it is so I don’t complain. Is there any way I can help increase her interest? In what particular way should we have sex so that she won’t be physically hurt?

I love the way you show consideration regarding your wife, especially being mindful of her present situation. But lovemaking should continue between the two of you. The best way is to shower her with affection, understanding and love. When you are affectionate towards her, she will also make some sacrifices for you. Try to also help her with some housework which can easily drain her strength. You can also ask her how she would love you make love to her in her present condition and you will be surprised that your sex life will skyrocket instead of declining.

QUESTION SIX

I am 25 years old and I am preparing to get married very soon. My problem is that I don’t enjoy sex at all. I happen to be a victim of sex abuse as a child. So, that has really affected me psychologically and this is also bothering my fiancé. What can I use or do to make me effective and useful to my husband sexually?

I think you need to see a gynecologist and sex therapist. That will be of help. But my strongest advice is that as a single woman, sex should be saved for marriage.