Why I gave up my dream of becoming the greatest female rapper in Africa – By Eva Alordiah

Today I own a tech start-up, I have a new life, and I’m recording again! Here’s what I have learned about giving up your dreams, depression & finding yourself.

You are an artiste; you are not your art. Over the years, I had become identified with what I did – Eva The Rapper – I didn’t know myself beyond that.

It has taken years of persistent introspection, meditation & patience to know myself and stand apart from my work.

I now understand depression as a spiritual experience- a shedding of old layers, the stripping away of illusion, a coming face to face with all that isn’t so I can see what IS. I am not my thoughts; I am not my body. I am not my accomplishments.

Depression was the pathway to my Awakening. It forced me to give up who I thought I was, to block off everyone else and their dogmas, and to accept a state of nothingness. I found peace when I accepted myself as nothing, no one, no me.

Your purpose in life has nothing to do with making money & getting fame. I was famous, yet I was dying daily in the loneliness of my privacy. I found purpose when I learned that my gifts were given to me by the creator to help people. Focus on serving people; all else is bullshit.

Fame can destroy you if you are not grounded in your source. Everyone knew who I was, but I looked in the mirror & was lost!

I committed myself to knowing myself & God within. I questioned everything & searched in weird places for ancient wisdom. If you seek, you shall find. Be you, the world will adjust.

In finding myself again, I realized I didn’t have to do what was expected. I started using my gifts in new ways & felt no pressure to please anyone. I simply did what I wanted to do. You are still here.

Sometimes you may have to give up who you think you should be so you can become who you really came to be. I thought I wanted to be a rapper.

Now I have come to understand myself as a teacher at my core. My writing, speaking, and music skills combine now to help me teach. What people think is their problem to deal with. Trust that you know what you are doing.

I got even more depressed reading comments like – “You fell off,” “What are you doing with your life,” “Your career crashed.” I learned to block the noise & trust my way. I am happier for it.

In finding yourself and starting over, you are allowed to do whatever the fuck you want. I gave myself permission to try new things & do it all!

I built a SAAS platform, created content online, hosted Webinars, and did more writing.

As an artiste, you can do many things, but you can not be everything at the same time. Trying my hands in different things meant that I quickly learned and acquired many diverse skills.

But to grow as a person, I have had to choose one thing & combine my skills to fulfil that. As an artiste, taking a break from your art is beneficial.

If you spend your time away developing yourself and acquiring new skills, everything you learn will combine to make you an even better artiste.

I didn’t quit music. I stopped to go find my true self. I am better for it.

7 Things that pulled me out of the depression: Making peace with being a nobody, positive affirmations & journaling, obsession with self-development, intense daily exercise, ferocious reading & study, meditation, and connecting with nature.

Everything you were told is a lie. You have to give up the old mind & become born-again. I was raised christian – after the depression, being born again holds new meaning.

You must rewire your beliefs & become transformed by the renewing of your mind. Question everything.

Happiness is not a destination. It is a state of mind that can be tapped into by the redirection of your awareness.

People want to be happy when they: get a job, become famous, and have more money. If you are not happy where you are now, you won’t be happy where you are going. Entertainment is great. Education is power.

For 5 years through my healing process, I stopped listening to music, stopped watching TV, stopped going out. Instead, I stayed home and read books, listened to audio training, enrolled in Youtube University, and spent time with the fam.

Here are 6 speakers and 5 books that Helped me a lot when I was depressed: Jiddu Krishnamurti, Neville Goddard, Alan Watts, Dr Myles Munroe, Jim Rohn, Les Brown

Books: Think and Grow Rich, The Power of Now, Seth Speaks, Feeling is the Secret, The Artist’s Way.

You can’t give your best to the world when you are broken. I always knew I would get back to my music at some point; I just didn’t know when.

Day after day, I watched my confidence plummet, but my focus was on being healthy, not pleasing the world. Take care of yourself.

Yes, I am back to recording again! Fortunately, I don’t give a f**k about fame. I am now only making music for people who want it. If that’s you, then I invite you to join the Tribe!

Today I find fulfilment in using my words not only to rap & entertain but to speak, teach, inspire, empower and uplift people.

I now spend my time juggling between helping creators make money selling courses and recording music. It is by grace.

PS: When I was depressed, I was also, unfortunately, broke AF.

I turned to the Internet and learned how to make money online by selling my own digital products.

Be vocal about your pain. Every time you share, you help the next person. Sharing my stories through the years has been a super weapon for me.